Wednesday, October 19, 2005

YES I'M BACK!!


Not sure if you saw All Pro NFL wide receiver Laveranues Coles, on Oprah yesterday, but he had the courage to come out and tell the story of him being sexualy abused as a child by his step father. I was moved by the show, in hearing that he was handled in such a manner, especially at a very young age of his development. It was also sad for anyone to live through something like that for years at the hands of his own step father. He was supposed to be the one to protect him, but instead he violated an honorable position of manhood. He should pay dearly his offense. It is not surprising that he, (Laveranues) is or would consider himself to be gay. His sexuality on the show was not in question but we can rest assure it will come into focus.
If you missed it, here are some highlights from the show......
KD

A Very Special Oprah














Laveranues Coles was the guest on Oprah. The New York Jets wide receiver details years of sexual abuse as a child by his former stepfather. It's a significant story, first reported by the The New York Times last month and well outside the norm for sports and the NFL where players rarely expose potentially embarrassing stories about their past. Laveranues' motivation was quite simple; the baller says that he came forward because he doesn't want other young boys to suffer in silence. Laveranues Coles is the guest on today's Oprah. The New York Jets wide receiver details years of sexual abuse as a child by his former stepfather. It's a significant story, first reported by the The New York Times last month and well outside the norm for sports and the NFL where players rarely expose potentially embarrassing stories about their past. Laveranues' motivation was quite simple; the baller says that he came forward because he doesn't want other young boys to suffer in silence.



Laveranues said that his stepfather raped him almost daily from aged 10 to 13. It affected his grades, behavior and relationships with almost everyone in his life—and he still carries the weight. "It's among the reasons why I am not married or have a girlfriend. I don't know? Does someone want to be with me after everything that I've been through."


He also says that the abuse made him question his sexuality, but the most important factor being that he "wasn't being allowed to decide" for himself. But more importantly, his words were guarded and he chose to equate his stepfather's behavior with power and dominance, as opposed to sexuality. "He probably would have done the same thing to a little girl." The abuse came to light when he was 13 years old, after the stepfather told Laveranues friends' that the boy was gay. (That's what psychiatrists call projecting, right?) "I didn't understand why he was telling people this, why he was doing these things to me and then making up stories." He got into several fights at school, and later admitted the truth to school officials and police officers.

Laveranues' mother, Sirreta Willaims, was also a guest on the show. She was called to the school that day and counselors revealed the truth. The stepfather was taken away, he served time in prison, and mom and son shuttled from relative to relative. Laveranues says that he forced himself to excel and athletics and his studies to re-assert control over his life. One interesting exchange between Oprah and the mother was on the couple's sex life, and it went just a little left field. Oprah asked in rapid-fire: "So you and your husband were having sex? Was he being satisfied? So you had no reason to think he would go elsewhere?" Obviously, she was trying to establish that the husband appeared "normal", but that interaction could have been phrased better. But we understand where she was trying to go; its a testament to O's strength that people are comfortable with her and will answer those questions. No questions were asked about the ball player's sex life. The baller says that until now, he and his mom have never spoken about the abuse. It's not that she didn't care; Ms. Williams says that she believed that she had utterly failed her son and could not help him heal. That's fairly common in abuse situations to try to bury the past; a psychiatrist was on hand to walk them through their emotions and promised follow-up. Their story was so touching, you almost wanted to reach through the television and give him a big hug.
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2165781

18 Comments:

Blogger Unknown said...

i got the chance to see at least half of the show.

i was a little surprised that the discussion of his sexuality did not come up, but you are right it might in the future!

i am proud that he stepped up and said something. too many times we look at our celebrities and atheletes as perfect and here he was showing that he is human and has suffered for a long time!

i would like to meet him one day just to hug him and congratulate him!

this is the kind of stuff we need to see more ... rather than the nonsense we see on tv everyday!

6:11 AM  
Blogger Bougie Black Boy said...

Didn't get to see the show--But you did an amazing recap of it. Let's visit each others site regularly. You have some great words of insightfulness here.

6:18 AM  
Blogger NameLiar said...

Wow that was something. I have been missing Oprah lately due to a crazy work schedule. That story was amazing tho' you never hear Players (NBA, NFL, etc) talk about abuse and I am sure he isn't the only one that has went through a situation like this.

Great Post

8:53 AM  
Blogger Unconquerable Soul said...

i'm glad you are back.. i've been a silient reader of yours for a while

10:30 AM  
Blogger Bainwen Gilrana said...

Wow, good for him. This is the sort of crime which needs to stop being a silent one-- if the kids who go through such things hear someone else speak of similar experiences, perhaps they will feel less ashamed and be able to tell someone who can help them.

I do like your blog very much. Thanks for your nice comments on mine. :-)

11:29 AM  
Blogger E said...

Wow...I missed this. I guess Oprah has moving stories every once in a while between her celebrity gushing. It's definitely cool that he stepped up to the plate and put his experiences out there. It will hopefully help others who've experienced the same thing.

11:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw the show and my heart went out to him. It's a shame that we live in such an ignorant homophobic world where a man that was vicitimized by a molestor has to define and defend his sexuality.

12:41 PM  
Blogger Clay said...

i saw that episode and i had some issues w/ the mother who never talked to her son about being raped-- because he said "God cured him" - also, she mention her husband was "femme" which to her was a sign of being a child molester .. that was very strange to me.

1:00 PM  
Blogger courtney said...

damn....

1:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmn, It's significant that he's a pro athlete. That's a terrible situation to go through...I know. But I'm glad that he has come forward, it will help young males who are victimized in this way, especially in the black community where so many stereotypes and so much shame is ascribed to this kind of thing.

I also feel you on Oprah's handling of questions with the mother. I notice that she is pushy with people like that sometimes, but I guess the years of conducting that kind of questioning & the influence she has now makes her that way. Still, it was an important topic. I'm sorry I missed that - your recount was insightful.

2:36 PM  
Blogger ShawnQt said...

The show sounds really intersting, I wish I would have saw it. I happy I was never sexually abused, I feel for people that have been. It still baffles me that people would use sex for power.

4:59 PM  
Blogger ChezNiki said...

Thank you for posting this story. The reason why Oprah was so hard on the mother is because the mother probably did know that her son was being molested when he was a child. Of course she didnt want to discuss it. Her complicity would have come out. There is no way she could have been living in the same home with that man and not known for three whole years. She chose to ignore the signs ...the acting out, the failing grades so that SHE could be more socially or financially comfortable. When children are molested it stays with them for life, they always doubt their self-worth and they never believe anyone will love them, especially when the non-abusing parent allows it to happen. It is extremely hard to trust anyoe else when you cannot trust your own mother. His stepfather should be put under the jail; his mother should serve time with him.

7:23 PM  
Blogger Ya boy Maurice said...

Somebody should have got his momma cause she is one stupid hoe. I mean she was sitting there with this puzzled look on her face. I been there so I know how he feels

9:20 PM  
Blogger Didi Roby said...

Whoa! I guess we just never really know what the other person is going through with:(

I sure hope he will heal one day:)

Good of you to post this:)

6:31 AM  
Blogger M-Dubb said...

When I was a college sports reporter for my school paper, I met him a few times. Once after he was accused of shoplifting. He always seemed to have soem sort of chip on his shoulder, but you would've always given credit of that to something else. There was always something else going on. Guess now it's obvious why...

9:26 AM  
Blogger dondon009 said...

I also missed the show, and thanks for bringing it out.....

I find it difficult to understand how the mother had no clue this was going on considering the length of time it went on and almost on a daily basis....

Hopefully they will heal, but I think this could be a prelude to his coming out... and I think he may have greater acceptance considering the background'

Well documented. THANKS!

7:05 PM  
Blogger feels good b n FREE said...

i'm glad he spoke up

6:34 PM  
Blogger The Divo said...

This story is the reason why sometimes I wished that I had a TV in my office.

That would have been an awesome story to watch. You did a good job in the re-cap. I feel for this brother, I don't know first hand how to relate. But, I can relate on the whole, molestation on any level is wrong.

Thank you for your insight.

I am glad that we have taken the time to come back and show the people "A Day in Our Lives."

As always in Parting,

I came in Peace and in Peace I leave.

11:44 AM  

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